i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Randomize
