This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
