apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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