we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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