i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
