Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
