i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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