I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
