Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
