When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
