I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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