I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
