News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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