I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
