Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
3pm strippers are depressing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need water and some morals
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
