oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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