Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
