Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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