playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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