We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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