Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
