So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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