That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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