Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
