Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
