she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
