I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
