Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
