At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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