So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
