I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
