Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
