do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
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