Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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