So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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