Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
