Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
