only if we run a train.
done.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
