I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
