I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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