great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
