I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
