Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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