I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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