He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
