...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
