Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
