I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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