I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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