It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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