Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
