My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
