I just pynch a tree in the face
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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