i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
