I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
