glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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