I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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