thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
