If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
