How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
