the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
