i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We need to get me chipped asap
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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