I haven't been this sober since birth.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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