That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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