My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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