Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My life is pants optional.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
