last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
