Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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